“Bottom line is, we all want to be loved and we don’t want to think we made a bad choice.  We sometimes wind up in the cycle of, ‘If I do this, then this will get better.’” 

Meet Lisa Williams, a GO PURPLE Ambassador for Purple Ribbon Council, and a huge supporter of prevention education and promoter of domestic violence awareness.  Her struggle with a violent husband and her journey to finding freedom from the confines of an abusive situation, has led her to our prevention work.  Lisa’s ambition, intelligence, and love for her children have taken she and her family on a path away from domestic abuse and into a better life.  Click below to read further about all that she is doing to help move the mission of Purple Ribbon Council.

As a GO PURPLE Ambassador, Lisa is helping to coordinate projects to raise awareness in regards to domestic violence.  She is working on creating grassroots fundraisers to educate as much as possible.  Lisa states, “It all comes down to the root purpose of the group, which is to raise awareness.  We have to get out there and educate and to do that we engage all people in Purple Ribbon Council projects.”  Currently, there are a couple of monumental projects Lisa is lending her talents to help promote.  One project, “Rock the PurpleTM,” is a partnership awareness event with Hard Rock Cafe.  Lisa is helping to promote the Los Angeles  area “Rock the PurpleTM” and working with MC Magic to headline the LA area event to support prevention awareness.

In addition to this project, Lisa aides in “BLOOM for Healthy Relationships” which is a dating abuse prevention program for  junior high and high school students that brings education into the classroom.  Lisa embraces the Purple Ribbon Council vision of preventing domestic abuse and dating violence EARLY on and feels that classroom education is very important in promoting healthy relationships.  “It’s talking about real life,” adds Lisa.  If anyone understands about real life and the many struggles that can come with it, it’s Lisa.

At one time, Lisa found herself in a very desperate situation with her now ex-husband.  Her experience really started in her own family growing up.  “I was raised in a dysfunctional family where there was definitely drugs and abuse,” states Lisa.  This of course, acted as a precursor to the abuse she endured in her marriage.  Lisa continues, “There were a lot of red flags and I ignored them and also ignored that ‘internal’ red flag.  I kept thinking that if I jumped through enough hoops, that it would get better.”  These initial red flags started with her husband wanting to marry too quickly, some verbal abuse, and then isolating her from her family and friends by moving her away to California.  “After the move,” Lisa says, “The physical abuse started.”

She continues, “When I was seven months pregnant, I knew that I needed to leave him.  He almost killed me by choking me until I was unconscious but I came back around.  I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.  He left me there on the floor, unconscious, and went downstairs to play video games.  I knew that I was done after that but I couldn’t leave immediately.  I was a high-risk pregnancy and the matter of kids and money were things I needed to consider.  I got through the birth of my son and my daughters eighth grade graduation when I finally told him that I was leaving.”

Lisa’s strength and her concern for the well being of her children found her back in Arizona and connected with Purple Ribbon Council.  “I was passively involved at first,” she states, “But this year I’ve put in much more time.”  Lisa’s desire is to really making a difference and build hope for abuse victims.  Lisa adds, “I’ve always been a strong person and many people don’t think that I could have been in a situation like this.  It can happen to any of us.”

We hope that you were inspired by Lisa’s story and encourage you to stay connected with Purple Ribbon Council and follow the hard work of GO PURPLE Ambassadors like Lisa.  If you would like a more full account of Lisa’s story, feel free to follow her blog.  We also encourage you to get involved and help with the cause.  Stay connected by following us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/PurpleRibbonCouncil or check out our website at Purple Ribbon Council

Chelsea K.

Intern, Arizona State Univeristy

“Our focus is the people”

 Laura Horsely, first executive director of the women and men’s shelter Eve’s Place, is giving many suffering families something to smile about.  Her mission has been to give domestic violence survivors the best possibilities to begin their new lives and have a fresh start!  Speaking with Laura was a real pleasure not only because she is involved with such an inspiring program, but also because her main focus and concern is the victims she caters to.  Laura cares for the people and her own journey of survival has inspired her enormous generosity and the hard work she put into Eve’s Place.  Please read further to get Laura’s full story.

Laura’s kindness really shines through with all the work put into helping domestic violence survivors.  This of course, includes men and women, and Eve’s Place located in Peoria, Arizona, welcomes any who are in need of a new beginning.  Laura states, “We meet victims where they are and connect them to jobs, clothes, help with resumes-whatever they need to live a life free of abuse.  We find resources to help get them back on their feet.  Everyone is completely equal in our program and there are goals that everyone works on while they are here.”  In addition to her work at the shelter, Laura helps educate and create awareness regarding domestic violence at local schools, churches and community groups by doing informational presentations.

The experience at Eve’s Place is really all about feeling at home.  Laura states, “We focus our services on the person.  We do a lot of the same as other shelters but we like to put people in an environment that’s more home like.  They’re not separated and not behind locked doors.  We have playgrounds, pools, and everything is close to all the resources they need to start a new life.”  What’s really different about what Laura is doing is creating this home like environment in an apartment complex.  Although they do function like a normal shelter, the atmosphere is much different and catered for families that are looking for a more comfortable beginning.  Laura expands, “Most shelters have one building or one unit and it becomes more like an institutional kind of thing and people have to stay within the confines.  We wanted a more intimate and manageable setting.”

For the past year, the shelter has been using apartments instead of hotels or the very “institutional” like facilities that Laura speaks about.  Each apartment holds about five people and really makes a difference in the spirit of choosing a new life and moving on emotionally.

Laura’s heart really beats for the victims she caters to and her motivation comes from her own experience with domestic violence.  She reflects, “My father was not a nice person.  I had to come to terms with the fact that my family was just like the people I help now.  My family was always different and my work is a way to give back because people like my mom didn’t have the opportunities that we have created here.”  Laura’s story lives on in all the victims that she helps and all the people she reaches through her education.

There is much more to come for Eve’s Place and all the positive light that Laura has put into the shelter truly shines.  She is yet another example of a “survivor turned thriver,” as we like to say at The Purple Ribbon Council and we look forward to seeing many more successes for Laura.  Please take some time to check out Eve’s Place website where you can submit donations or where you can contact someone if you just want to reach out in support.

Welcome to the world of singer, songwriter, guitarist, and all around artist, J.D. Smith, from Athens, Georgia.  J.D.’s musical talent and drive for success is not only an innate ability but has also served as a channel for her survival.  The inspiration behind her cause and her musical message is derived from her own very emotional, yet moving experience with domestic violence.  Her struggle to free herself, along with her two children from an abusive husband actually turned into some remarkable works of art that speak to many people about the trials of an abusive relationship.  Read further to see the full account of J.D.’s story.

J.D.’s popular song, “In the Dark,” which you can preview below, was inspired from violence but written within a woman’s safe shelter called, Project Safe.  Alongside fellow friend and domestic abuse survivor/backing vocalist, Sherri Tanner, the songs began to pour out.  “It’s more than just music, its about two women who have been abused and then getting up and speaking about it,” says Smith.  “I fled to Project Safe and they helped me get my life back together, gave me food, shelter, and even legal assistance.  Because of this, I give a percentage of my album to them.”

The message of abuse is quite apparent in the song, “In the Dark,” and even more so when you preview the music video as well, but the true significance lies in something much deeper for J.D.  She states, “Music touches the heart and soul and sometimes people relate to music better than anything else.  I hope that my song will move someone to break away from a violent situation and break the cycle of abuse.  My main goal is to inspire people through my story using music and to educate them on the red flags of an abusive relationship.”  J.D.’s tool of education is her guitar and we at the Purple Ribbon Council hope to see that she continues to utilize her talent as much as possible in spreading the message behind domestic violence.

J.D.’s story begins like so many others; married young with a baby on the way and all the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.  She reflects, “It starts out with the verbal put downs and then the pinching and pulling hair.  This then graduates to slapping you in the face and when they manage to get away with that, they start to pick things up and hit you with it.  There were constant put-downs, jealousy and manipulation, at first.  He use to tell me that I would never do anything, that I would never perform live, and after the birth of my first son, he told me he would leave me if I didn’t lose the baby weight.  I starved myself for three months after the birth of my son, eating nothing but pea soup and popcorn.”

This interaction graduated to a much higher level of abuse that could have ended J.D.’s life.  She continues, “Whenever I stuck up for myself, he would get really angry and one day, while eight months pregnant, he picked up the rocking chair that I was to hold my new born son in, and hit me so hard over the back with it, that I nearly passed out.”

In addition to her experience with her abusive husband, J.D. also went through a similar dynamic within her own family growing up.  It is quite common for young woman who come from abusive family backgrounds to wind up in abusive marriages and relationships.  J.D. sums this up in stating, “My father was verbally and physically abusive.  That’s all I knew and unfortunately, it becomes a cycle of abuse that just keeps going.”

In 1992, after seven years of being punched, knocked out, even having hot coffee poured on her stomach, she finally made her flee to salvation.  “My final thought before leaving, right after my husband barricaded me and my two young sons in the house, all the while using a shotgun to threaten me, was, ‘he’s going to kill us.’  So after the situation finally cleared, I threw a bunch of clothes in the car, packed in my two sons and left to the safe shelter, Project Safe.”  J.D. chose life and thus, her life truly began.

We, at the Purple Ribbon Council, hope that you find J.D.’s experience to be an eye opener for maybe yourself or even a friend or family member that you feel might be going through a similar situation.  We also hope, along with J.D., that you will watch her music video below for her song, “In the Dark,” from her album Conscious Earth.  Her art work/music is heartbreaking yet, influential in spreading the education on issues surrounding domestic violence.  Please keep up with J.D. and check out her album that contains, “music with a message.”

Chelsea K.

English 484 Intern, Arizona State University

“I want to do something to help because there has to be a reason that I went through everything.”

Lois is here to teach us a little something about who we are. Not only is she a loving mother and active community member in her hometown of St. Louis, Missouri, but she is also an inspirational educator. Lois has made it her mission to provide awareness and education to the local high school in her town about her own personal experience with domestic violence.  If you would like to get to know Lois a little more, click here now to see her full length story.

Lois states, “For graduation, the students take part in a health class where they study healthy relationships. My job is to tell my story and talk about the red flags in relationships such as hitting and controlling. Kids today are experiencing dating violence and I hope that by sharing my experience they can see the warning signs with themselves or maybe even for someone else.”

Although Lois’s experience can be seen as a tragic one, there is hope in her story. Her capability to pull through a thirteen-year marriage filled with physical and emotional abuse is a feat worth admiring.

Lois continues, “I wasn’t right out of high school when I got married, I was thirty. I married a man within six months of dating and didn’t see it at the time but I see the signs of abuse now. He would slap me here or there or push me and I would leave because I was afraid of him. I left several times but always went back because I always had hope that he would change. He would say he was sorry and he wouldn’t do it again and deep down I really wanted to believe him. I was afraid of losing the happy ever after.”

After a serious contraction of pneumonia, Lois was admitted to the hospital and things began to really unravel for her husband who felt that he was losing his grip on her. “He lost his control over me at that point when I was in the hospital,” Lois states, “but as soon as he got me home, I was cut off from everything. I was completely isolated.”

Lois eventually found her strength and created her opportunity for escape. She found herself at a safe house, which provided her with the tools to grow beyond her painful past and work towards a better future. For Lois, this better future took form in education and awareness for others. Her work with the school district not only benefits the students who take away an ability to recognize unhealthy behavior, but also creates an outlet for Lois. In addition to her education at the high school, Lois has been a keynote speaker for the woman’s safe house and has future plans to speak at Mercy hospital in Missouri where an employee was killed in the parking garage by her estranged husband.

Although it’s unfortunate that such stories exist, the traces of strength and determination that we are left with after painful experiences are truly what make us better woman, better people. Our force is always there even when it is truly unrecognizable and seemingly non-existent. We are born from these painful experiences but we are not THE experience. Lois has allowed me to take this message along with me. Hopefully she has touched you with story as well.

-Chelsea K.

English 484 Intern, Arizona State University

“Everyone’s voice needs to be heard because without these stories there is no hope and with no hope there is no beginning.” 

I introduce to you, Brenda Clubine.  She is a true inspiration as Executive Director for the legislative advocacy for domestic violence incarcerated survivors titled, Every Nine Seconds.  In addition, she is also a domestic violence survivor and Brenda’s painful story of abuse lead to opportunities and positive changes for herself and many, many women who share in her story.  Brenda’s program was born from her experiences with abuse and the future looks brighter for those who are touched by her education within Every Nine Seconds.  Please read further to see Brenda’s full-length story.

Brenda’s enthusiasm about life, even after all she’s been through, is beyond comparison.  Her dedication and heart are what kept her going through some pretty grueling times and is what makes her a strong woman.  Brenda states, “I am a survivor; I turned 50 this October and I never thought I’d see the day.  I left home at twelve, met my ex-husband at seventeen and got married way too young.  By twenty one years old I was already in prison.”  Brenda was said to have been involved with the death of her ex-husband/abuser in an attempt to defend herself and served a prison sentence of twenty-six years.  “I tried leaving him eleven times but he would hunt me down like a dog.”

Beyond her story of violence, Brenda has remained solid in her vision to educate and to continue to make changes for women who have faced abuse similar to her own.  Her program, Every Nine Seconds, centered around incarcerated domestic violence survivors, started out as a simple need to speak out.  In 1989, Brenda helped form the first inmate initiated support group in the nation called Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA).  This group of women went on to accomplish so much and changed the course of history for domestic violence survivors.  To get the full account and history behind Brenda’s experience, please watch the documentary titled, Sin By Silence. 

Brenda states, “I knew there was a mission that was so much bigger than myself and I knew that there was something more that I had to do once I got out.  I didn’t know exactly what that was but I needed to do it.  So I got out of prison and started traveling and educating people across the United States and then started a non-profit (Every Nine Seconds) that fights for incarcerated abuse victims.  Survivors are survivors but when you’re incarcerated it’s even worse.  I had to figure out a way to give these women a voice and educate people on the complexities that they miss.  People don’t think about the women in prison, they think about the shelters.”

Brenda is quite active within her program by hosting fundraisers, providing curriculum and support groups for inmates and universities, speaking at conferences, and essentially, educating the community in whatever way she can.  In addition, she also helps train law enforcement on the complexities that they have missed in the past.

I truly hope that Brenda’s story has inspired you to know more and if so, definitely check out Sin By Silence, a documentary about Brenda’s experience.  Also, please follow Brenda’s cause through her program Every Nine Seconds. All of us at Purple Ribbon Council, look forward to hearing more positive feedback from Brenda’s progress and her journey through her new life of freedom.

Chelsea K.

Intern, Arizona State University